Annabeth's Choice
by greenconverses
Summary: Love’s not a logical emotion, and that's what Annabeth Chase hates most about it. Annabeth/Percy, set during the Last Olympian.


**Author's Note:** This was inspired by the preview chapter of _The Last Olympian_. I was struck by the way Percy's narrative didn't mention Annabeth or camp until the very last lines, and I felt there was an interesting story about the distance there. Of course, I might just be reading too much into a few pages, but we'll see when May comes around. The line in _Battle of Labyrinth_ where Pan says Annabeth's role won't be what she expects in the end and the theme of her choice also added to the story. There is a companion piece from Percy's point of view that I'll be posting soon, and maybe a few other pieces following the theme of love featuring other characters in the series.

**Warning:** This contains a couple of references to the preview chapter of _The Last Olympian_.

**Disclaimer:** I don't own any of the characters or situations in _Percy Jackson and the Olympians_.

* * *

**Annabeth's Choice**

Love is a wild emotion, unbound by the limits of time and space, beyond control of even its mistress Aphrodite, and unpredictable in its coming and goings. The fact that it's not a logical emotion is what annoys Annabeth Chase the most about it.

For she, a Daughter of Athena, has no patience to deal with the flighty and terrible fancies of love. There is no proper formula to follow, no blueprint for its construction, no vision of future success, and certainly no solution when love doesn't work out. Annabeth's too rational and cool headed to believe what the Aphrodite Cabin says about love being the force behind all things in life. Things might be all sunshine and wildflower fields in Silena Beauregard's world, but Annabeth knows the truth.

Love is a hideous, unfeeling creature that feeds off the misery of demi-gods and mortals alike. It hurts and breaks people's hearts, manipulates their thoughts, and has been the cause of war, death and strife. Whole civilizations have fallen to its power, and the present looks back in shame before repeating the same mistakes.

Annabeth won't let the end of the West come because of love, not if she can help it and she can. Their hero's greatest weakness is the love he has for his friends and family, and if he has one less person to care about, one less person to cloud his judgment and distract him, their chances of surviving would increase exponentially.

And that person has to be her, because Percy Jackson doesn't trek across country and hold up the sky for just anyone. Kronos knows this all too well; he's already exploited it once and she won't put it past him to try a sadistic choice again.

She can't – she _won't _– be the cause of Percy's death. Annabeth Chase is no one's liability, especially not that overly noble Seaweed Brain's.

When she walks away from Percy without a word that day on Half-Blood Hill, she takes her first steps away from love. She doesn't answer or return any of his messages over the next few months, and she's distant to him when a monster attack in the city calls them together in November. She even tries not to think of him, but it's so hard when the war and Percy are all that Chiron and the other campers can talk about.

_It's a temporary solution,_ she tells herself. _After the war, everything will go back to normal. _

Perhaps the worst thing she does is bury her birthday present from him, still wrapped in shiny green paper, at the bottom of her trunk and doesn't send a thank you note. There is no Christmas present from him a few weeks later, and its absence leaves a twisted feeling in her gut for days.

She tells herself that this is for the best, that she has to make Percy stop caring about her as quickly as she can. Sacrifices have to be made in wartime and if her wretched heart just happens to be one of them, so be it. What has it ever done besides cause her misery anyway? She doesn't need love – no one needs it.

Her plan works better than she ever expected it to. A part of her wouldn't believe that stubborn-headed Percy Jackson would calmly accept her absence in his life, and would demand for her to explain everything the minute he saw her.

So she's reasonably shocked when Percy arrives at camp for the summer and they barely speak to each other, unless it's in combat or training sessions. It makes her task much easier than she had imagined. For a while, she's pleased with herself, knowing her plan is working and that Percy will stay alive. As long as he's safe, her mind declares, nothing else matters.

But her treacherous, hideous heart begs to differ.

When she begins to notice that Percy's leaning on that dratted Rachel Elizabeth Dare more than ever, it stings worse than a cut with a blade. When one of her half-siblings dies on the way to camp and she has no one to turn to, her chest feels like it's going to burst from the pain. When she sees Percy struggling with the weight of the world on his shoulders, she thinks she'd rather die than stay away and maybe a little part of her does when she forces herself to remain on the sidelines.

This irrational pain distracts her and makes her mind wander during the most important moments. She finds herself wallowing in her bunk or sitting at the base of Thalia's tree instead of the practice fields on most days, contemplating stupid things like how Rachel could've replaced her so easily or how much she really meant to Percy or if Percy ever loved her at all…

There's no reason to be doing this, not when she has a thousand other things to do and think about. She hates that love has this power over her, to make her become this weak little girl for no practical reason whatsoever. She's faced tougher trials than a little bit of rejection and knows she's stronger than this.

So why doesn't she have the strength to let go of love? If it only makes her hurt and distracts her, why doesn't she have the power to stop it?

A small, emotional part of her thinks it's because she doesn't want to lose Percy, even for a year. Precious few people have loved her in her life and they've all been torn away from her. If she gives up this last one, she'll have nothing left. This thought is so strong that she almost gives in and ruins everything.

But then Percy leaves camp early and she has the time to breathe and refocus. Love is the enemy – it _wants_ her to be the cause of Percy's death so it can add one more tragic story to its library. Annabeth is no gullible damsel, and she will not be swayed, no matter how bad love makes her hurt.

**-o-**

Annabeth's in the main house, reporting to Chiron and Mr. D about the latest monster to test their defenses and the sudden reappearance of Nico di Angelo in the training arena, when the door bursts open and Artemis strides in, Thalia right behind her.

"It is time, Dionysus," Artemis says, skipping any pleasantries and focusing her gaze on the god at the other end of the table.

Mr. D heaves a sigh, takes one last sip of his Diet Coke, and gets to his feet.

"Good thing you sent Birkenstocks to fetch that Peter Johnson, Chiron," Mr. D says, glancing at the centaur. "We need to have as much time as possible before – "

Annabeth doesn't hear anything else he says because Thalia grabs her by the back of her shirt and pulls her out of the house, onto the porch. The older girl – because Thalia will always be the older one to Annabeth, no matter how young she stays – looks different with her hair pulled out of her eyes and without her dark make-up and many piercings. Her shoulders are set confidently and, other than the glower on her face, Annabeth thinks Thalia is finally happy with life.

"All right, where's that damn Fish Face?" she demands fiercely, her blue eyes glinting. "I am going to _kill_ him."

"Hello to you too, and what are you talking about?"

Thalia's nostrils flare and the smell of ozone fills the air. Clearly, her temper hasn't been dampened at all by her new lifestyle.

"Don't give me any of that, it's not going to save his skinny little ass," Thalia continues, crossing her arms over her chest. "You have a broken heart and Percy Jackson's the only person that could have caused it."

Annabeth recoils. Her heart isn't the victim in this situation; it's her greatest adversary. It's not broken, especially not over someone like Percy Jackson. She's not doing this out of love for that Seaweed Brain, oh no. She's doing it because their hero's too stupid to recognize his weakness as something that'll get them all killed.

"I do not," she insists, glancing over Thalia's shoulder at the cabins in the distance. "And how would you know something like that anyway?"

The other girl taps the side of her head, a look of exasperation crossing her features.

"I've got a built in radar for this stuff now. Helps us find recruits easier, but it's annoying as hell. You wouldn't believe how painful love can be sometimes, especially unrequited…" Thalia trails off, her expression softening as she looks at Annabeth again. "Well, I suppose you would."

"I'm not – I don't – my feelings for Percy aren't like that!" Annabeth says firmly. "I'm just worried about he's going to screw everything up for something irrational reason like he always does."

Annabeth wonders if Thalia's radar can detect all the intricacies and lies of the heart, and if so, why can't she see that her heart is the biggest liar in the world? Can't she understand what it's trying to do? Thalia's own heart almost made the her do the same thing with the Ophiotaurus. Perhaps feeling the pain of others has made her forget her own agony and mistakes.

Whether it can or not, it doesn't seem to matter because Thalia can draw her own conclusions and she guesses correctly.

"Oh, Annabeth, you _didn't_," Thalia sighs in disappointment. "Giving up love is never the answer."

"It worked for you," she snaps back, unable to handle the pity in her friend's gaze. There is nothing wrong with her choice! "Besides, we both know by now love's not worth it anyway."

For the first time in their friendship, Thalia looks like she wants to slug Annabeth a good one. Annabeth wouldn't blame her if she did, because she knows just how much Thalia treasures love, even at its thorniest.

They hear footsteps on the porch behind them, and Thalia moves aside. Percy's there, dressed in jeans and a casual t-shirt, with a grubby looking Nico at his heels. Somehow, Percy looks like he's gotten taller in the week or so he's been away from camp, finally starting to look every bit like the hero he's always been. He doesn't meet her eyes, and she doesn't look at him any more than she has to.

Thalia moves to join the other two, and Annabeth knows it's time to leave. She doesn't have a place in the destiny of the children of the Big Three, not this time.

**-o-**

By dinner time, the entire camp knows Percy's leaving on his final quest sometime soon. Chiron can try and be discreet all he wants, but even the most dull-witted Ares kid can put together all the signs – Nico, the Hunters, Percy's return, Juniper's emotional outburst on the lawn while she's talking to Grover – and figure it out. Few people talk about it, because they don't want to acknowledge that the fate of the world as they know it will be decided in just a few days.

Annabeth's siblings try to get her to admit that she's going along – because even in the face of danger, Athena's children are always curious – but she snatches her Yankees cap up from under her pillow and strides out of the cabin without a word.

Her exclusion from the final quest hurts more than she expected it to. She couldn't imagine going on a quest without Percy, even if she was angry with him, and that illogical little part of her still expected him to choose her, in spite of everything.

_This is what you wanted_, she tells herself as she makes the trek up Half-Blood Hill. _You can't go if you're just going to get him killed._

No amount of reasoning can make her rejection less raw; it feels like she has a dagger stuck between her ribs, making her breathing uneasy and painful. It gets an extra twist when she finds Thalia sitting at the base of her tree and the first thing the other girl says is, "I can't believe he chose that silly mortal over you."

Of course.

_Of course _her replacement would be Rachel Elizabeth Dare. Couldn't he have picked anyone but her? Tears begin to prick at her eyes as she feels her heart crack and – damn it, she doesn't want to feel this way anymore! She doesn't want to care, she doesn't want to love, not if it hurts this much! Love won't make her do anything she doesn't want to.

"The prophecy did say we need someone with a 'mortal weakness' though," Thalia continues and if she can sense Annabeth's inner turmoil, she's kind enough not to say anything about it. "I just don't want her along on principle."

Annabeth mumbles an agreement, twisting her cap in her hands restlessly. After a few moments, the dark haired girl sighs and gives her the evil eye.

"If you're going to give him that, you better do it already."

She blushes lightly, quickly hiding the cap out of sight.

"I wasn't," she lies, hating herself even more.

It's love that's compelled her to do it, of course. Love wants her to go see Percy one last time so there's one more chance for her to crack. But it's not only love – her entire being craves one last look at him, touch of him, sound of him. She won't be able to forgive herself if she doesn't get to say goodbye.

Besides all of that, she can't let Percy go on a quest without some kind of representation of Athena's wisdom. They'll be doomed otherwise. The other four are just as bad with their emotions as he is, and she won't be around to keep them all grounded. Hopefully her cap will increase their odds just a little bit.

"At least say goodbye to Chum Brains then. It'll mean a lot to him," Thalia says, making Annabeth wonder if her radar works on men too. "All this teenage angst is driving me bananas…"

Annabeth laughs, loud and clear, and suddenly Thalia has her wrapped up in a tight bear hug and both of them try to hide their tears from each other as they say goodbye – at least they have the chance to say it this time.

**-o-**

She knocks on the Poseidon cabin door and leans inside, instantly greeted by the smell of fresh, cool salt air. His cabin's as messy as ever, and she's struck by exactly how much she's missed all of this.

Then Percy turns around and captures her gaze. At the sight of her, he gets a look on his face like he's just been punched in the gut. She's not sure how to interpret that, and her hands start to shake nervously.

"Uh…hey," he says, running a hand through his hair. She notices how long it's gotten and since when did he get hair on his knuckles? She used to have every little bit of him memorized, and it's all just so different now.

"I talked to Thalia," Annabeth says, sounding more confident than she feels. She steps across the threshold and pulls out her cap from behind her back. "I just…I just wanted to give you this."

Percy's green eyes widen in surprise and he stares at the cap in her hands for a very long time. She hasn't thought much about how Percy must be dealing with her absence in her life – that hurts more than anything else combined – and it strikes her now that maybe he won't want her gift, that maybe he really does hate her now.

Annabeth nearly pulls it back out of shame, but then a smile – one she hasn't seen in ages – spreads across Percy's lips and she goes a bit weak in the knees.

"Thanks."

He reaches out to take her cap, and their fingers brush together. An electric runs through Annabeth and she has to snatch her hand away before she does something completely stupid like – like –

An awkward silence settles between them as Annabeth battles with herself. She can't just stand there and _look_ at him, not when he's going to be going off to war and fighting for his life in the next week. But she can't do anything or else. Love senses her weakness and pounces.

Without thinking about the consequences of her actions, Annabeth throws herself at him, hugging him as tight as she can. He's much taller than the last time she did this and he feels different, stronger and more defined, or maybe her arms just aren't used to holding him anymore.

He inhales sharply and says her in name in such a soft, touching way, it nearly breaks her resolve completely. She can't let love win, not if she wants him to come back and hold her like this again.

"Good luck and be safe, Percy," she whispers against the crook of neck, and lets go.

**-o-**

Three days after the quintet leaves – three days of worry, tension, and endless fighting –there's a shift in the air at Camp Half-Blood. Each of the campers can feel it in their skin, the pulse of their blood, and even in the make-up of their molecules. It's as though Space and Time are holding their breaths, waiting for the result of the battle's climax.

They're all helpless, an unusual predicament for demigods, and the only thing the entire camp can do is gather in the mess hall so they won't be alone.

Sitting and waiting has never been Annabeth's style, though. There's only one thing she can do at this point, with the battle so far away. Faith's the last weapon any of them have left, even if it's just as fickle and uncaring as love.

Annabeth runs from the mess hall, through the cabins and the open fields. The ground trembles under her, dark clouds beginning to gather in the sky, but nothing will stop her from her destination. She throws herself to the ground in front of Thalia's tree, scraping her knees against one of the sharp roots, and prays to any god who still might be listening.

_Please_, she asks, _let him win. Keep him safe and bring him home. Please._

The grass rustles as Clarisse kneels beside her, followed by Beckendorf, Silena, Travis and Connor Stoll, the remainder of Artemis's Hunters, Annabeth's brothers and sisters…

They're all praying for the same thing: _Be strong, Percy, and come home. _

The land rumbles deeply one last time, and then goes deathly still. All of Annabeth's senses are tingling, but she won't stop praying, not until she knows for sure.

Time and Space exhales, and reality goes back to the way it always was and will continue to be. Cheers erupt around camp and Annabeth goes boneless with relief, leaning against the tree for support.

Percy's won.

**-o-**

It's not long until the campers get the details of the final battle, and it's only then that Annabeth realizes what a fool she's been this entire time.

Blinded by her own fatal flaw, her belief that she can solve anything and everything, she's failed to recognize the most important weapon Olympus has over the darkness: love.

For it was love that saved the day, not the logic she so desperately clings to. Out of love for Percy, Rachel Elizabeth Dare did something incredibly stupid to save him and it bought him enough time to catch Kronos off guard. Love's the reason they're still alive and free, and Annabeth's sacrifice has been for _nothing_.

Love didn't want her to be the cause of Percy's downfall; it wanted her to be the source of his inspiration and drive to continue. Love wanted Percy to win this fight as much as anything else, and she had impeded it every step of the way. The pain in her heart wasn't love's way of trying to manipulate her, but it's way of warning of that what she was doing was wrong – so, so wrong.

Her chest collapses into itself when she realizes the full extent of what she's done. Her embargo on love is no longer a temporary solution. For the choice Hera had delayed wasn't merely about choosing between Percy and Luke. It was also about choosing a life with or without love, and she – being the ultimate fool – had chosen the latter.

Love is a fickle emotion and it has no time to deal with silly, logical girls like her. Because she rejected it when it needed her help the most, love has abandoned Annabeth. The pain she thought was so great before is nothing compared to the agony she's in now.

She barely has time to come to terms with this before the camp is preparing for a victory celebration and the five champions return. Annabeth puts herself together as best as she can, and readies herself to face Percy again.

The bonfire burns brighter than ever before, the satyr's music beyond compare, and the food tastes heavily, but it all means very little to Annabeth. She's cold and alone at the edge of the crowd, and her despair only grows when she sees Percy and Rachel standing side-by-side.

He has his hand on Rachel's shoulder and when he spots her, he merely nods. She could barely handle a year of this cold interaction and now… now, she's supposed to stand by and watch Percy smile and laugh, and be in love with another girl for the rest of her life?

It's too much to take in too soon, and Annabeth has to flee the bonfire before everyone sees her break down. In no time at all, she finds herself on her knees at the base of Thalia's tree again, but this time she isn't praying – she's crying.

It's hard to cry with the heavy pain in her chest, but the horrible sobs come out anyway, wracking her entire body. She's drowning in despair and the only way she can save herself is to let it stream from eyes as tears, dribbling between her fingers and onto her orange t-shirt.

Annabeth lets out all the misery of the last year, all the frustrations, fears and guilt that have weighed her down. She sobs for the boy Luke once was and the monster he became, Thalia's years in limbo, and all the unfair things that have happened to any of the half-bloods she's ever known. It's not enough – it will never be enough – and she doesn't think she can survive her heartbreak.

Most of all, she cries for herself because it's clear being loved was never a fate that was meant to belong to her and she doesn't know what to do with all the love she has left inside her.

A twig snaps somewhere behind her. She didn't think anyone had seen her leave, but she's too out of control to stop crying and save herself from embarrassment. She wonders if Thalia could sense this change in her, the black hole where love used to reside in her, and if she's come to comfort her.

But the presence that sits next to her is the last one she ever expected, and that makes her cry even harder. After everything she did, she can't believe he's here – he should be at the bonfire, celebrating his victory instead of listening to her bawl her eyes out. She doesn't deserve his kindness.

He keeps his distance and doesn't touch her, and that's a good thing because she thinks she might throw herself at him if he does. He doesn't say anything until her sobs have become soft whimpers and her trembles have nearly stopped. She doesn't know what she wants him to say to her, but what comes out is the last thing she expects.

"I'm sorry about Luke," Percy says at length, his voice heavy with bitterness.

Annabeth lets out a watery, pain-filled laugh. She's long past crying for Luke now – she got that misery out of her over a year ago – and her love for him is a distant memory. She never loved Luke in the same way she loves the stupid boy sitting next to her. Surely he can see that?

"It was never about Luke, you idiot," she says hoarsely, her throat raw from all the crying. She wipes her tears on the back of her hands, although more keep leaking from her eyes.

"Then who?"

How could he not know? She pulls her hands away from her face and looks up at him. His eyes have always been the gateway to his heart, and right they're swirling with a full range of emotions. She's not surprised to see that love isn't one of them.

"You," she whispers. "It's always been you."

And it always has been Percy, probably ever since their first quest together five years ago. She went and fell in love with him against all the odds because Percy's kind, brave and smart. He gave her the chance no one else would and believed in her. He didn't play with her feelings and use her as a substitute for a love long gone. He's everything she could have wanted, and she kept her love so guarded in the back corners of her heart she didn't realize it until it was already gone.

Percy flinches as if she had hit him, and he struggles to contain himself. His knuckles are white with tension, his jaw set, and Annabeth knows what's coming. This is the one thing she did expect, after all.

"But I thought…"

Percy struggles for one more moment, and then exclaims angrily, "You stopped talking to me, Annabeth! You _abandoned_ me… and now you're saying what, exactly? That you _love _me?"

She lets the force of his anger wash over her, and her heart cries out when it hears the derision in his voice. She can't speak because a sob is trying to worm its way out of her again, so she simply nods.

"You sure have a funny way of showing it!" he shouts, throwing his hands up in disgust.

That's the wrong thing to say. Annabeth's pride has always been more vocal than her heart, and it can't stand the way that Seaweed Brain is treating her. No one has to the right to speak to her like that, not after she's just lost everything.

"Do you think I enjoyed putting you through all that?" she asks fiercely, barreling on before he can answer. "I was trying to protect you! I – I thought your fatal flaw was the people you love, so I _made_ you hate me so you wouldn't do something ridiculous, like sacrifice yourself for me! I didn't want to see you die because of me. I couldn't bear it!"

Percy's shoulders slump as he takes this in and he looks away from her briefly, staring up to the sky. Her plan sounds so idiotic when she says it out loud, and she wonders how she could've ever thought it was a good idea. Then Percy says something that makes her blood run cold.

"But…why did you think I loved you?"

As if she didn't need one more reminder of how foolish and egotistical she's been. She'd never been so wrong about anything in her entire life, and the realization is slowly killing her. Percy never cared about her, not in the way she wanted him to.

A sob escapes before she can stop it, and it takes all her strength not to let the rest of them out.

"Does it matter? I made my choice and I was wrong," she says wearily. "Love isn't your weakness – it's your strength. Rachel's love saved you in the end, not mine."

Rachel isn't a slave to logic and reason like Annabeth. She embraces love whole-heartedly and recognizes its strength above everything else. She isn't afraid of love, and for that Annabeth respects her. She deserves to be loved by someone like Percy.

But Percy is shaking his head, sitting up and reaching in his pocket for something.

"It wasn't Rachel," he says at length, surprising her. What did he mean by that? "There was a line in the prophecy… '_Love's token will send the Titan Lord to his doom._'"

He places her Yankees cap on her lap, and Annabeth stops breathing.

He can't mean her. The fate of the world couldn't have rested on something as entirely insignificant as her Yankees cap. Love wasn't about the small gestures like this. It went for grand moves like –

_Like doing all you can to protect the boy you love from harm,_ a part of her which still clings to hope says.

It can't be. She can't have, because it shouldn't hurt so much if she had been doing love's duty –

"And I wanted to hate you, I really did, but… I almost did give up everything for you."

Annabeth inhales sharply and looks at him. His hands are shaking, as if the very memory of whatever Kronos had done to him is still haunting him, and he's staring at her as if he's seeing her for the first time all over again.

"If it had really been you, I would've done it in a heartbeat," he says firmly, and she believes him with all her heart.

A heart that's beginning to put itself back together, to believe that she _had_ been right and she had been following love's plan all this time. Love and logic were never enemies in this fight, not when it really counted.

"_Why_?" she asks, her voice cracking with emotion. She's not sure whom she's asking, but Percy gives her the answer she's always known, but never trusted.

He touches her arm and pulls her in close, so close their foreheads are touching. She sees it in his eyes this time; it must've been hidden as far down as her own feelings.

"Love," he breathes against her lips, and then he kisses her.

Annabeth throws her arms around his neck, and returns his kiss desperately, pouring every ounce of love she has into it. She's made her choice. It might not have been the easiest or the smartest or the least painful one, but it was the _right_ one.

Love's not a logical emotion, but Annabeth Chase doesn't know how she'd live without it.

* * *

Thanks for reading and please review. The companion piece, _Percy's Flaw_, is now uploaded and on my author page.


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